On values
I just realized how important a person's beliefs and values should be. I guess I started losing these two along the way as a result of being too prude as well in the past. I was like a nun really and then I just threw away my values like that when I got pissed with myself.
Today, I want to have a little dignity back. I want my values and beliefs restored so help me God.
I'm still thankful to the person who showed me the importance of values and commitment. I never thought such person would still exist when everyone else in this world is making a big mess I guess.
So thank you. Thank you for not playing along with my games. Thank you for being serious and committed. Somewhere along the way it paid off and my eyes were opened.
Christmas is coming. This is actually the second thing I'm thankful to you for. I wish we would all have a peaceful and joyous Christmas despite all the trials.
On stalking
This is funny but I'm gonna blog about it anyway. See, I do not consider myself a stalker or even a psycho even if some would suggest it.
What does it mean to me to be a stalker anyway?
Well I guess stalkers make you scared to go out there in the world because they make you feel that they are watching you always. I don't think I impose such fear on others that much but
I have to admit that if I am interested on someone.. I do my research. I try to find out who this person is with available resources and I keep the knowledge to myself unless required to spill it out.
So I prefer to think that I am good in researching rather than being called a stalker. Besides once I get the info, I do not really do anything about it. I just want to be in the know.
I've seen how stalkers operate on TV. I do not think I can imitate them at all. But these people are dangerous when their emotions get out of hand.. I've seen a TV episode where the stalker would take stolen pictures and then even follow the victim then confront and get so upset and then shoot the victim. oh boi.. danger
Sometimes when you like a person it is better to just like them from afar. I guess this is one thing I've realized. Sometimes it is better to just have a crush on a person and then keep yourself from being too close to the person because it spoils the fun.
On mutual understanding
If I be called "feelingera" I will react by saying I'm not. I do not believe that a person can like me will ever notice or like someone if that someone will not show any sign of interest in me. Hey I know myself. I've watched the world turn upside down and yet manage not to care too much. There are just too many people in this planet for me to take interest on unless they are really really someone. And you know what? Even if you are someone, I might just look at you and never find the time to do research on you or care. There are just too many things to focus on, so I say I mind my business.
This is why I strongly believe that if you caught my attention, then you are someone I want in my life and how I wish I can keep you. But I guess the reality is that you can never ask a person to stay if they prefer to go and your time is up.
And so tonight I am very sad and disappointed. Probably because I thought my spirit was raised by someone and yet the friendship did not go that far. There were just too many issues along the way and I just wish people can just take it easy and joke around the bullshit.
On pain
Pain is my catalyst. It is like my batteries to charge me up to work and be creative. Pain is my inspiration. I have to say I am a bit of a masochist because I like to hang out with pain. Without pain I will be sitting in the corner waiting for inspiration to come. Pain Oh Pain how I love you and yet there are times I have to endure you and wish you would go away.
I cannot deny that I am in pain. I guess this is my first time for this kind of pain that is why I still need to get used to it.
It is painful to be rejected by someone you like. Sometimes I feel that I do not deserve the pain at all because I just want to be accepted and yet it here I am in so much pain.
As a person it makes me feel bad because it makes me ask what is wrong with me? Is there something wrong? Why am I not being accepted? Am I asking anything else at all except for acceptance?
It hurts because the pain comes from someone special like once in a lifetime discovery I made.
I found her or could it be that she found me and left me in the dark after taking my soul with her.
So many questions in my head. Like what did I do to have lost you. What could have been done to have kept you. And now it is too late because it is hard for me to get back anymore to where we started.
Pain still lingers so I might just write them down in my blog.
Here I am still thankful and a bit excited for where pain will take me. Who knows what I can achieve when I'm inspired and hurting.
On loving
Tonight my statement on love would have to be focusing on the idea of love being easy and simple. Doesn't have to be complicated. This is so true for me right now. This is because when two people like and love each other acceptance will follow and the relationship will be blessed with so much respect, love and understanding there will only be room for sweetness and happy memories instead of bitterness and pain.
So I say that if you love a person and you do not feel comfy, easy or light hearted then there is something wrong to have struggles along the way especially if the relationship is just new.
I guess I've never been in a relationship that lasted for years so I can not say how it feels like to be in one. I can't say if the relationship will remain easy. But I'd like mine to be easy and simple the next time around.
I used to define love as something that is full of sacrifices. This is probably because I used to sacrifice a lot to make it work. Now i have come to realize that sacrifices should not be made all the time especially if it is not necessary. Now, love for me should just be simple and easy. No complications.
Alright need to sign off now. This is just me.. still gazing at the stars in my night sky.
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